Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Don't Fall Asleep on the Couch

Alternate Title #1: Sleep With One Eye Open
Alternate Title #2: Do Not Keep Scissors In The House

Think of this blog post as a public service announcement. I type this and share this so you may all learn from my great tragedy.

My crime: I fell asleep. On the couch. While Max was awake.

The story: I did not sleep well last night. I had some craaazy dreams that kept me tossing and turning (ah the joys of pregnancy). So when Max got up this morning I made him his waffle, got him his milk, turned on PBS and laid down on the couch to rest. Well, I dozed off. The next thing I knew, I felt a tugging on my hair. My sleep induced thought process was along the lines of Max bugging me to get up and me pretending to not notice. Then, I heard a sound that cut through the dry air like scissors through hair. Only, that's EXACTLY what it was. At first I didn't recognize the sound. And being as sleep deprived as I was, I didn't quickly put two and two together. I propped myself up on my elbow and looked toward where Max was standing. There he was, with a giant pair of scissors in his hands. Confused and concerened I sat up more and noticed a giant chunk of brown hair laying on the couch. Why was my hair no longer attached to my head? Why did Max have scissors? Where the heck was I? What time is it? WHY IS MY HAIR LAYING BY ITSELF ON THE COUCH?? WHY DOES MAX HAVE SCISSORS????

And that's when I realized the unimaginable had happened. Max had cut my hair. A lot of it. Right from the side of my head. As the horror enveloped my like a smelly blanket I ran over to the bathroom mirror and saw the aftermath. Oh yes my friends, Max did a grand old job of chopping a fistful of hair right off the side of my head a little under my chin.

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My next move? Well, I wanted to cry uncontrollably and give the kid a spanking. But all he did was stand there looking kind of shocked saying, "Momma's hair" and pointing at the pile on the couch. I didn't yell. I didn't say anything. I slowly walked to my computer and frantically messaged Mariah. In full freak out mode, she came right over to fix the carnage. She is a miracle worker.

But now I have short hair, something that I know is a big NO-NO when you are pregnant. Especially when you are pregnant like me with the huge round fat face and double chins. Mariah of course did a fabulous job. And I am forever in her debt. But seriously people, I'm going to be in mourning for a while. And you best believe that we're getting rid of all the scissors in our house.

The moral: Beware mothers out there who think dozing on the couch is perfectly safe. I don't know if I'll ever be able to sleep again. I hope that nothing like this ever happens to any of you. And don't assume just because your kid has never touched a pair of scissors it means they don't know how to use them. Because they probably do. And they will probably cut something with them. Something bad. And probably try to ruin your life -- as mine has done.

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17 comments:

tira said...

oh nina! i'm so sorry! i do think your hair looks cute though. and at least he didn't go straight for the roots.

Malerie said...

Holy cow! I swear you have some of the craziest stories. I am so sorry! But I DO love it. I think it looks GREAT! I am biased towards short hair though.... oh Max....

Tiffany said...

I am so sorry that happened! I think that your hair does look super cute!

lauren said...

I like your hair do. It's really cute. At least Max didn't hurt himself with the scissors. I totally understand though, sometimes you just can't keep your eyes open!
By the way, I can't believe you only have 36 days to go for baby #2, that went by really fast (probably not as fast for you:)!

Anonymous said...

No!! That is one of the saddest things I've read in a while. At least it turned out cute, if shorter than you like.

mariah said...

aww. the boo boo lip is out! I still am in shock over the whole story. It's a good thing you are so cute and you can pull off any 'do :) loves to you and your chunck o hair missin

Jen said...

Oh I'm so sorry! But your hair really is cute! I'm also so glad that Jonathan hasn't done that to me yet! I fall asleep accidently on the couch with him awake all the time! Curse the pregnancy exhaustion! I'll make sure I put my scissors where he can't reach them from now on!

Megan said...

I can't believe you kept your cool with him. I think I might have lost it. Kudos. And it looks cute!!! Seriously, so cute.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to find the story funny--it wouldn't be if the fix weren't so cute. My sister's blog had some hair-cutting stories lately; I'm going to link you to each other's stories.

http://myimaginaryblog.wordpress.com/2008/09/18/dread/

http://myimaginaryblog.wordpress.com/2008/09/23/truth-will-out/

--Tracy

Zina said...

Wow. How old is Max? He's talented. I do like your shorter hair. And I wish you'd taken a picture of it when he first cut it before it was fixed. And you should at least be glad it was Max and not my Henry who cut your hair, because Henry goes right up next to the scalp with the scissors.

-Tracy's sister Zina

Linn said...

Oh. My. Goodness. Do I even know what to say? I think you look darling with short hair. And you must be talking about some other woman with a chubby face, because that is not you, my friend. Thanks for the warning. And thanks for making the rest of us lose all kinds of sleep, in fear of what may happen.

Lindsay said...

Wow Nina. All I can say is wow.

brooke said...

AHHHHHHH!!!!! There. I think that about covers it. =)

sally said...

nina i have had so much fun reading your blog and seeing the updated pictures. i have to do a big oooooh whenever i see max, that darling little boy. i can't believe the hair story - oh my gosh!!! i used to fall asleep on the couch when tyler was about 15 months and i was pregnant with molly...all he did was stare out the window at the tennis players below...wow who knew i just barely missed a new haircut! max does hilarious things!

Breanne said...

Thats a pretty crazy story. I wonder what made him decide to cut Mommy's hair. Your new hair cut is really cute though.

The Del Pegos said...

I cannot believe that he cut off that much hair!! Crazy. :)

Lindsay said...

Hi Nina! I saw Tammy's reference to this story, and of course, had to come look. Looks like you are doing fabulous - other than the hair thing, and the wanting to be done with the pregnancy. :) We miss you! XOXO Lindsay Jones