And let me just say... third year so far hasn't been that hard on the three of us at home. Scheduling has been a nightmare. Expectations have gone out the window. But really, our lives here at home haven't changed much except that Tyler's gone more. But this rotation -- surgery -- (ugh, I can't even say it without wanting to throw a surgeon off of a very tall building) has been majorly hard. Tyler is extra stressed this time. I think it's mostly the sleep deprivation -- he gets up at 4am and sometimes won't get home until 10pm and then has to do it all over again the next day, with maybe a day off on the weekend. I'm definitely resenting the attendings and residents that treat him like he's the lowest form of life on Earth. And not just Tyler, but all of the students. Not for nothing, but medical students PAY for their education. They PAY to learn from doctors and professors. They should not be subjected to the level of unprofessionalism that comes with medical school. It's a freaking joke and makes me SO seriously angry. And not that Tyler would ever say or think this (these opinions are purely my own, not his, FYI) but even the nurses treat the students poorly. And the staff at the medical school treat them like they are children. Now, some of them might warrant that treatment (it's scary to think that some of these med students will never grow up and might some day have to save a life -- SCARY) but Tyler has earned a PhD. He could be their BOSS. And yet he is still treated with a level of unprofessionalism that is just beyond me. Medical school is joke. Ever encounter a doctor who's a jerk?? Fairly likely since they perpetuate that kind of behavior in their training. If you can't tell, it really disgusts me.
And don't even get me started on how students with families are treated. Just, wow. Now don't get me wrong. I know we chose this. But really, did we? Did we choose to have our marriage strained (seriously, we're fine, it's just hard) and our children stressed? NO. No one goes into an educational or job related setting without some level of professional expectations and it seems as if all of that goes out the window with the treatment of third year medical students. And seriously, what is the point of subjecting third years to this kind of grueling educational experience??? Isn't that what internship and residency is for?? At least then they are getting paid (and please don't get me started on resident salaries... egads!)
So there... those are just a sampling of the things swirling around in my head. I think this little family here is feeling kind of beat down. And I think it's up to me to get us back on track. Somehow. And I'm not really sure how. I'm thinking of calling Max in sick to school tomorrow and having a fun day just the three of us. Not sure if that will help or hinder my sanity, haha.
And like I said, it might just be one of those weeks where I'm just extra emotional for no good reason at all. And maybe it's that new Jason Mraz song that seriously makes me sob whenever I hear it. What is it about his music?? I'm not a sap but he turns me into a blubbering drippy sappy girl!
BUT... just when you thought I was just being a self-centered whiney future wife of a doctor (ha. hahaha) I watched a video that kind of put my life into perspective and me feel ridiculously ungrateful. Have you been paying attention to what is going on in Syria? It's hard to know for sure what is actually going on, but the things I have seen have made my stomach churn and my heart ache. And then I sit back and look around me and realize holy crap, I have SO much. TOO much. Why? Why do I? And it puts my whining self right there in my place. I don't wake up every day fearing for my life (I guess that spider in the corner or the crazy drivers of La Jolla don't really count). I don't wake up fearing for my children's lives. I don't wake up hungry with no way to satisfy it. I have shoes on my feet. I have food in my cabinets. I have love in my home and in my marriage. My children have toys. They go to safe schools. And while I'm obviously not the first person to recognize their blessings, I'm grateful that I actually do recognize them from time to time.
So life really isn't that bad. It's bad relative to what we're used to, but comparing it to so many others it's the best life ever. And really, it pretty much is.
And just for good measure, here's a picture of the two little sweeties that keep me going. Literally. Because I'm pretty sure if it wasn't for them I'd be sitting on the couch all day playing Mario Kart.
3 comments:
If you ever need to feel validated, Nina, just give me a ring. Seriously, I know how you feel. I know we chose this life and mostly it goes just fine, but I also know those moments when I feel sorry for myself and just want to cry. You're right, though, it's little in comparison with what a lot of people are going through and that's what usually snaps me out of it and helps me count my blessings.
Hang in there. 4th year is going to be a much needed treat. :)
I know my husband isn't going through the whole becoming a doctor thing, but I still have had the exact same complaints about the education he endured at that crappy, no good excuse of a university or the seriously low paying job he got as a result of that education or the insane hours he has to work just to make rent or the ridiculous things we have to go through with a family of 5... I get it. And I get the same reaction from most people - that we chose this. We didn't have to have kids while Jeff was in school. I don't have to stay home with them, I could be teaching. But how could we do it any other way, in good conscious, knowing what we know? So frustrating. And not having your husband home makes you so much more emotional and stressed, even if you didn't have the lively, personality-coming-out-thier-ears kids that you have. It's hard, it's just hard sometimes. I totally feel ya. I, too, have been feeling really emotional lately but that's because my new little peanut is making hormones that send me off the deep-end way too fast. (Totally not your same reasoning...) Trying to remember that has been hard, especially in the afternoons when I'm feeling the major exhaustion hit. It's hard to keep perspective for sure. Keep your chin up, you can do it. Take that sick day for Max and just hang out at the beach like you guys enjoy doing. Max and Lia will love it and that's not too terribly stressful. It will make a world of difference. I hope it gets easier for you soon!
You need some serious pampering...girl . Even if just you give yourself permission to watch a chick flick or read a book...hey you should even calendar it...when the kids go to bed and tyler's not home...make sure to give yourself an hour.
staying home with kids is hard- but you will never be sorry. It gives you a lifetime of rewards.
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