Breastfeeding attempt #2

Yeah. So apparently I was never meant to breastfeed any of my children. In fact, I'll just come out and say it -- breastfeeding SUCKS (no, that's not meant to be a pun; it's literal). If anyone needs a refresher on my first attempt click HERE. In fact, I think that post starts out pretty much the same way. Now, let me explain that I did, in fact, want this time to be different. I wanted to be successful and I thought this time I really would be. It looked as though Lia had the latch just right and she was such a nice calm baby. Everything seemed to be going my way -- until infection #1 hit.

Mastitis, people, is seriously no fun. Never have I felt a more searing pain than a breast infection. So a few calls to the lactation ladies later and I was focusing on the other one for feedings. Well, as luck will have it infection #2 set in creating a breastfeeding nightmare. Not only was it so painful to try to feed her, but my ducts were so clogged that she was hardly getting anything. I couldn't even pump without crying. And a few more calls to the lactation ladies later I was told that the only way to really cure a double infection was with antibiotics, special ointment and drying up.

I hung up the phone and sat there stunned for a minute. Did that lactation lady just tell me to quit breastfeeding? Was I really forced to give up yet another feeble attempt at being a normal childbearing woman? Was the end of this stint at breastfeeding going to make me spiral into an emotional breakdown? I sat there... a good five minutes... and came to roughly the same conclusion I did the first time. Why am I stressing about this?? She's still going to be fed, even if it isn't directly from me. I still get to bond with her by giving her a bottle. Tyler gets to bond with her by giving her a bottle, too. And she'll be happy. With formula (thickened with cereal) she'll have some help with her terrible acid reflux. And with formula my baby will be nourished, happy, loved, taken care of. So what was the big deal??

Really, there isn't one. There never should be. A mother should never ever feel guilty about the decisions she makes to take care of her babies to the best of her abilities. A mother should be proud to provide for her baby no matter what it is. Because HEY, I carried that baby for 9 months, too. That counts. That counts for a lot!



So... there you go. Attempt #2 -- fail. Although, let's not look at this as a fail, but as a very successful journey into how not to get down on yourself as a new mom.