Bittersweet

Our Christmas this year was bittersweet -- to say the least (well, to me anyway). On one hand, I was so excited to have a Christmas with Max (his second one) (and Mattie, too -- my first one with her) where he was excited about presents and toys. I wanted him to feel the spirit of Christmas and to be excited. He learned who Santa is and every time he sees any picture of Santa or something that looks Christmasy or any man with a beard (including Jesus) he says "HO HO HO!" really loud. He even ho-ho's at old men in the grocery store.

And I was really excited that no one was sick this year. Last year was a disaster and this year everyone was healthy and content. I was really excited about the presents I was giving this year. I thought they were pretty great (picture me huffing on my knuckles and rubbing them on my shirt). Tyler made a great DVD for my dad and his parents of Max videos. I made a couple of really adorable slide shows for my parents of Max and Mattie (which made them cry when they saw it -- go me!). I made an adorable tu-tu (thanks Mariah!) for Mattie that she wore around all day on Christmas. Max got some great toys -- ones I knew he would love!! I made Christmas cookies and decorated our house and listened to Christmas music (including the 40 songs Max bought for us from itunes -- that's another post to come, and trust me people, it's a good one).

And don't get me wrong, all of that was great and spirited and fun. But always in the back of my mind, through the whole month, I knew that at the end of it all, it really was the end. My mom was not that in to Christmas this year because she was stressed about moving across the country the day after Christmas and it just kind of but a bittersweet feeling on the whole holiday.

Christmas Eve we spent at my parent's house, among boxes full of their belongings ready to load onto the truck in two days. It was fun, Max got tired fast and so we left pretty early and took him home. But the food was good (stuffed shrimp was awesome and the bacala and macaroni) and it was fun to relax with my family for one last Christmas in that house and eat our Christmas Eve fish.


Christmas Day was at our house. It was a zoo in our little apartment. But we had ham and mashed potatoes and creamed peas and it was yummy!! We opened presents and played with the kids' new toys. We went outside and ran around with them. This was the last day Mattie was here. The day after Christmas Danielle and my mom flew her to CT to stay with my Aunts while my mom finished up the packing here. So like I said -- bittersweet.

They are all gone now. My parents left this morning. The truck full of all their belongings left last night. I feel like I am closing a chapter of my life. That now I am starting a new page in a new book. I'm hoping the story gets better. I'm hoping the hurt and sadness I feel at Mattie going away gets less and less. Afterall, she was practically my baby, I cared for her like she was mine.

My Christmas was merry. Not very merry, but merry enough. I got some great presents, and most important of all, I saw my little boy so excited about all his great gifts and having his house full of guests (he loves guests) and it was good.